The Ghost in the Room

Does the past ever really let us go? Can we ever truly escape what was once for what will be, or are the two so vividly intertwined we have no idea when we look at the whole grand picture?

Perhaps like first love, our first passion is our true one. Essentially taking a semester off school and starting this blog has reminded me how much I love writing. I'd gotten away from writing (and I don't mean essays and research papers) for so long. But without the daily reading and writing assignments in front of me, the constant stressful factors of my school jobs, I've been able to focus on what I really want: to question and to think--more accurately to stew. And the answer seems to be that I need to write.

Lady Gaga has a script tattoo on her arm, it's a quote from a Rainer Maria Rilke, a German philosopher: "In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer and ask yourself, must I write?"

Like most people, I would prefer not to fail. I see so clearly now the path that I could take that would lead to mediocre success. It would be challenging, but I like a challenging. And it would be moderately rewarding, and I like rewarding. But I don't want the challenge without the reward. I don't want to wake up in 10 years and realize that I am nowhere near doing anything I want. I am tired of saying and doing the "right" things because they will potentially get me to where I possibly want to go. I want to say and do what I want because it will take me to where I absolutely want to be, even though I don't know where that is yet. I know the standard business model--big risk, big gain. Big risk can also mean big failure, and that is the one that is super scary.

Okay so we can't truly leave our past behind us. We can cut the line of communication, or shove it in the closet. As much as we try to put away, it will always find a way to lurk quietly in the back of the room. I guess the best thing to do is to embrace it, learn from it, and bring it along for the ride. Big risk, big gain, eh?

Peace out,
Thing Two